


the five steps of healing

by Nightblaze



Category: Jagged Little Pill - Morissette & Ballard/Morissette/Cody
Genre: Nonbinary Jo, Other, frankie/jo is only past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightblaze/pseuds/Nightblaze
Summary: jo and frankie's relationship is fucked. maybe their friendship isn't.
Relationships: Frankie Healy/Jo, Jo/Kelsey (Jagged Little Pill)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	the five steps of healing

**step one**

In some ways, Jo knew it was coming. Frankie had been blowing them off, bullshitting excuses about homework or family, and that guy Phoenix was always around. He was attractive, objectively, and absolutely Frankie’s type, but Jo had thought…

Whatever. Soon enough it was obvious how little their relationship meant to Frankie. Jo spent about an hour crying once they had gotten home. It was bad enough that their mother even checked in on them.

About six hours later, Jo got a call. They had stopped their crying, favoring a terrifying empty pit in their stomach instead, and had eaten dinner although it didn’t taste like anything. When they saw Frankie’s contact name pop up - sparkling hearts and all - they almost didn’t read it. A flash of red hot anger flared in their chest, something so whole that it was frightening.

But it was Frankie. No matter what, it was still Frankie. So of course they picked up.

Fifteen minutes later, they were driving to New York. They didn’t dare play a single song, lest it shatter their very fragile emotional state.

Much too soon Frankie was hugging them close and it took all their power not to let any of their feelings - the sadness and the rage and the heartbreak and the betrayal - show.

“That was… pretty crazy back at my house,” Frankie tried. She elbowed Jo lightly and the touch sent cold needles into their body. “I’m surprised you even showed up.” Jo laughed but there was no humor.

“I’m your best friend,” the words tasted like sand in their mouth, “I’m not gonna leave you stranded in a neighborhood you can’t even name.” They kept looking forward, unable to face her. There was something terrible building up in their stomach.

“But you’re mad.”

Jo set their jaw. “Can you guess why?” They really, honestly tried to hold it back, but the words came out anyway. “Or is your head so far up your own ass these days that you don’t even know?” 

“...I’m really sorry. I was gonna tell you—”

“And yet you  _ didn’t.  _ Because you knew what you were doing was wrong.” Jo began to walk forward, hoping the conversation was over before the fury in their throat could crawl out.

“I didn’t think I was gonna fall in love with him!” Frankie tried to explain herself. Jo stopped dead in their tracks and closed their eyes against the sudden tears that threatened to fall. They could keep it together.

“Love?” they laughed in disbelief. They weren’t going to be able to keep it together. “Well, congratulations Frankie! I’m glad you found something  _ healthy  _ and  _ rational. _ ” they shook their head. “I’m clearly not as legit as your fuckboy Phoenix.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Jo!” Frankie had the audacity to sound annoyed. “I just didn’t think you and I were in an exclusive relationship!”

It hurt. It stabbed them through the back and into their heart. They barely held back the tears but the anger started to seep through, and it’s blinding and red and the pain would bring them to their knees if they didn’t still have a sliver of dignity. “Right. Why would you take…” they gestured to themself and then let their hands fall to their side in tightly clenched fists, “ _ this  _ seriously.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Yeah? Well I want you to know that I’m happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both.” They had to take a deep, shaking breath and hoped their voice wouldn’t crack. “Is he the perfect version of me? What, do you like that he can speak eloquently? Does he know that you told me you’d be with me until I died? Well guess what, you’re still alive! And I’m here without you!”

Frankie stood there, jaw dropped. Jo slowly turned towards her, halfway hoping that the sight of her face would calm their roiling rage, halfway hoping that they could spill their guts out in the street here and leave it in New York.

“You seem… very well. Things look peaceful. I’m not quite as well. I thought you should know.” Frankie tried to reach out to them, but Jo recoiled away from her. “Did you forget about me, Mrs. Duplicity? I hate to give him so much to live up to! It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced…”

Frankie finally got a word in. “Jo, that’s not what—!”

“Oh, yes, it was! And were you thinking of me when he fucked you?”

“Hey, stop it—” Frankie turned away but Jo moved quickly back in front of her.

“I’m not just gonna fade away when you close your eyes! I’m here to remind you that all the mess you make doesn’t just disappear when you leave it behind. Wake  _ up _ , Frankie!” They almost spat out the words and then stopped to catch their breath. Frankie opened her mouth but a buzz from her pocket distracted her. Jo couldn’t believe that she was really going to check her texts right now.

“Jo.”

“What, is it him?”

“No—”

“My  _ God,  _ do you even give a shit—”

“Jo, it’s my mom!” Frankie looked up at them with such fear in her eyes that all the rage still trapped in them vanished. “Something’s wrong.”

“Shit.”

“My dad says she’s in an ambulance, they’re taking her to the hospital…” Frankie’s eyes were watering and of course Jo couldn’t hold anything against her in the moment.

“Fuck, okay, my car’s right over here, fuck the cops I’ll speed all the way back…”

The car ride was silent except for Frankie’s slowly dissipating sniffles and the beating of Jo’s heart in their ears.

*

**step two**

Mary Jane Healy was almost like a second mother to Jo. She was very set in her ways, and she made plenty of poor choices and didn’t treat Frankie right sometimes, but she was still the woman who comforted Jo without question after they had come out to their mother as a lesbian, at least before Frankie got home and took over that job. Honestly, Jo had probably spent a solid third of their life hanging out at the Healy home. So of course they were obligated to visit her.

It was about a week and a half after Jo’s outburst in New York that they decided to visit. They turned on the radio and let the pop songs and advertisements hum in the background as they cruised down the streets.

Jo didn’t like hospitals, at least not since they had badly broken their arm in the sixth grade and had to spend a week holed up in one. They sat in their car for a couple minutes, staring at the behemoth of a building before grabbing the colorful bouquet of flowers sitting in their passenger seat. They didn’t exactly know what the correct thing to bring to someone who had recently overdosed was, but they did know that the pop of color in the room might cheer her up.

A nurse ended up pointing them in the right direction—Jo wasn’t going to text Frankie to ask for her mom’s room number. Peering through the window, Jo could see MJ reading a well-worn book as she sat in her hospital bed. Jo knocked quietly before entering.

“Jo? What are you doing here?” MJ closed her book and looked up. Jo didn’t think they had ever seen her look embarrassed before.

“I just thought I’d see how you were doing,” they responded. “And I, uh, brought you some flowers.” Glancing around, they reddened at the sight of many, many other bouquets that practically lined the room. “But I guess everyone else already beat me to it.”

MJ smiled and waved it off. “Don’t be silly, they’re lovely. But I don’t know where you’re going to put them.”

Jo found an open spot on a counter after a moment and then pursed their lips, wondering what to say. The last time they had seen MJ, they were on the verge of tears and rude and shouting. Luckily, MJ decided to talk. “So… how are you doing? School treating you well?”

“You’re asking me if I’m okay?” They gestured to her vaguely.

“Trust me, I’ve heard that question enough.” MJ’s smile was sad but still genuine. It was strange to think that MJ was like… a real person.

“Yeah, school’s been… fine,” Jo lied. They were excessively mediocre in classes, and that hadn’t changed, but they shared half of their classes with Frankie, and even one with Phoenix—thank God, only a couple days after catching him and Frankie together they switched partners, and now they were paired up with Kelsey—so the school day was quite the emotional rollercoaster.

Silence fell over them again. Again, MJ broke it. “You were mad the other day, about Frankie and that boy.”

“Uh.” Jo decisively did not want to talk about this. “Yeah. It was just so dumb, like, they’d known each other for all of a week and then suddenly…” Jo shook their head. “I’m just protective of her. I guess.” They weren’t douche enough to spill the details of their and Frankie’s relationship to MJ without Frankie’s consent, but considering the thoughtful stare that MJ was giving them, they didn’t do as good of a job as they thought. Oops.

“That’s it?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s it.”

“Alright. Steve’s coming back with the kids soon, it would be great if you stayed!”

Ah, shit. That was Jo’s cue to leave. The thought of actually facing Frankie again was sickening. “That’s really a shame, my mom is expecting me home—”

There was a knock at the door and then it swung open. “Mom, you will not  _ believe  _ what—” Frankie’s voice cut off at the same moment she caught sight of Jo. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Jo replied with a smile that was more of a grimace. Steve opened the door wider from behind Frankie, revealing Nick also behind him. “Well, I was just heading out. Good to see you, Mrs. Healy.” They tried, really tried to keep the cold out of their voice, but some things were not meant to be. “See you, Frankie.”

They were about to all but sprint out of the hospital but Frankie was calling out to them. “Hey, wait a minute!”

Jo turned on their heel and raised their eyebrows at Frankie. Seeing her was equal parts breathtaking and heartbreaking. “What?”

Frankie’s mouth hung open for a moment like a fool before she actually spoke. “The rally for Bella this Saturday, are you still coming?”

“Of course I am,” Jo scoffed. “Just because I’m pissed at you doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon Bella. Can I go now?”

“No, listen, Jo, I’m really sorry. I never meant to… to…”

“I know you didn’t mean to, but you sure as hell did, alright? And I don’t want to be around you at all right now, okay?” Jo shook their head. “Just leave me alone.” They turned and left without another word. Although the anger still raged beneath their skin, waves of pure sadness crashed over them with every step.

If they spent the better part of half an hour crying in their car before leaving the parking lot, nobody had to know.

*

**step three**

Biology had been quite the eventful class for the last month or so.

The Monday after Jo had found Phoenix and Frankie together, they had to do another lab as partners. They were supposed to dissect a cow’s eye and honestly Jo spent most the time taking subtle digs against Phoenix. The lab was easily the worst grade in their gradebook, but whatever, seeing Phoenix uncomfortable was worth it. It wasn’t really his fault, but whatever.

The next lab started the week after that, and Jo’s partner was switched from Phoenix to a girl named Kelsey. They were looking at different animal cells, much nicer than slicing open eyes and shit. Kelsey herself was an added positive; she was actually funny and could make looking at animal cells a good time. There was also the fact that she wasn’t Phoenix.

It was incredibly strange for Jo to actually like someone who wasn’t Frankie. Everyone at the school, or almost everyone, was a stuck-up bastard or a prick. Frankie had been their one reprieve for so long that they had forgotten that there were other good people in the muck.

Finishing up labs and assignments after school turned into study sessions at Kelsey’s house, which soon turned into movie nights and baking shitty cakes and blasting early 2010s jams into the late hours of the night.

It was a rainy night when Jo stopped for just a moment and watched Kelsey dance in the soft yellow light of her kitchen and finally realized what the fluttering in their chest was. It was almost like Jo was seeing her for the first time and it took their breath away. Kelsey had stopped once she noticed that Jo had, and she’d asked them what was wrong.

“Nothing. I was just thinking,” Jo had replied with an easy smile.

Later, when they were watching 10 Things I Hate About You, Kelsey leaned over and kissed them. Jo was surprised to see that, when Kelsey pulled away, she was worried. “Was that okay?”

“Absolutely,” Jo grinned and leaned in to kiss her again.

They did talk about what they actually wanted from each other, eventually. That was a lesson that Jo learned the hard way with Frankie.

Fast forward four more weeks and it hit Jo like a bag of bricks that Kelsey didn’t actually know they were nonbinary.

It went like this: Jo had gotten into a fight with their mom and didn’t feel comfortable at home, so Kelsey had asked her parents if they could stay. She said something and with their fight with their mom fresh on their mind, the wrong pronouns grated on their ears more than usual, and the realization came. Oops.

Kelsey was working on a math review and Jo was staring at their half-finished Spanish homework when they decided to bring it up. They trusted Kelsey, and knew she wouldn’t think of Jo any less, but there was still that little nagging fear.

“What are you thinking about?” Kelsey said. Jo looked up from their homework.

“Huh?”

Kelsey raised her eyebrows. “You haven’t even picked up your pencil in the last, like, fifteen minutes.”

Jo took a deep breath and closed their Spanish textbook, then set it beside them. Kelsey did the same as she said, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s not a big deal. Or I hope it’s not,” Jo added. “Uh.” They had expected it to be easier, after going through the same thing with Frankie and their mom.

“Jo.” Kelsey moved to sit next to them and took their hand. “You know you can trust me, right?”

Jo smiled and hoped it didn’t betray their anxiety. “Yeah, I know. Okay. So, you know my mom likes to give me shit for liking girls. But what she really, really hates is that I’m not a girl.”

Kelsey blinked and shook her head. “I don’t get it.”

“I’m nonbinary,” they clarified quickly. “My pronouns are they/them.”

“Oh! Like Brigette Lundy-Paine?”

“Who?”

“They’re an actor, they came out as nonbinary last year.”

“Oh. Nice.” Jo had been preparing to explain what it was, and that they didn’t have to was a weight off their shoulders. “So we’re cool?”

“Of course. And is Jo still your name?”

“Just never Joanne.”

“Got it.” Kelsey smiled at them and squeezed their hand. “Thank you. For trusting me.”

Jo leaned back and let out a breath they hadn’t realized they were holding. “Yeah. I, uh, better actually do this homework now.”

“Aw, you’re finally going to make Señora Bautista proud,” Kelsey mocked them lightly. Jo tried to stifle a laugh and failed.

“It’s not my fault that she can’t actually teach! If anything, all of my bad grades are on her.”

There was a moment of pause. Jo had begun to translate a sentence when Kelsey spoke again.

“Hey,” she said softly. “I love you.”

Jo looked up at her and their breath caught in their throat. She really was beautiful. “I love you too,” they replied in a whisper and the complete sincerity of the statement astonished them.

They didn’t think that they had ever said that to Frankie, at least not after they had become more than friends. They didn’t think Frankie had ever said it to them.

Jo took this moment and pocketed it. The euphoria of it all, the rush of being loved and loving, almost foreign, and absolutely perfect.

*

**step four**

The rest of junior year went by in a flash. There were a couple parties that Jo went to, long nights studying for the ACT with Kelsey, so much fucking homework, then final exams and suddenly it was summer.

In June Jo and Kelsey went to pride, and in July Jo had to take a summer gym class since they didn’t have room for it in their school schedule and needed the credit. August was dreadful, scalding hot every day and made even worse by the rapidly approaching first day of school.

Jo’s schedule wasn’t terrible. First, they had Physics, which sucked ass but it was doable. Next was Spanish, then Government, lunch. After that they had AP Photography, then they were an aid for their Photography teacher, and then Trigonometry.

Finally, they had English. With Kelsey, and Frankie. It was certainly an interesting class, to say the least.

Jo had managed to steer clear of Frankie for most of the year. In class they never spoke to each other, and Jo decided not to notice the hurt looks she gave them across the room, as if she was the one who had been hurt. It pissed Jo off, at first, but slowly and surely the sick rage stopped building up every time they saw Frankie or Phoenix.

Frankie existed in their periphery. The town and school was small enough that it was impossible to avoid her completely, but they almost managed, at least until Frankie reached out again the day before winter break.

The halls emptied in record speed after the last bell rung, all the students feeling lighter at the prospect of three weeks off of school. Jo kissed Kelsey goodbye—she had a dentist appointment right after school—and turned around to see Frankie standing there with a hopeful but sad look on her face.

“Hey,” Frankie started and Jo was surprised by how… okay they felt. They had Kelsey, and Kelsey’s friends and Bella who all loved and supported them, and while there was still a little ache of resentment and betrayal in their heart, they were whole even without Frankie. “I miss hanging out with you,” she went on and her face showed her hesitance.

“Of course you do,” Jo replied smoothly. “I’m the only interesting person in this town and my sex appeal is off the charts.”

Frankie smiled and the whole conversation felt so familiar that it hurt. “Why do you always have to make everything a joke?” she asked, shaking her head, but there was no malice there.

“It’s called a defense mechanism,” Jo reminded her and began to walk by her to leave.

“I guess I’m just wondering how you’re doing,” Frankie continued after a brief pause. Jo turned around to face her and she seemed so hopeful that they decided to bite the bait.

“I’m figuring things out,” they said honestly. “And I have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Frankie said as she looked behind her as if Kelsey would still be there. “Chelsea, from the soccer team.”

“Kelsey. Her name is Kelsey,” they corrected and to fill the quiet that followed, they asked, “What about you? How are things with Phoenix?” although they don’t really want to know. Phoenix and Frankie could always be found with each other—it was clear that he’d really taken Jo’s place. It had hurt before Jo got used to it.

“He’s… good,” Frankie supplied, slightly confused. Then a lightbulb went off. “Oh, he and I, we’re... just friends.”

Jo raised their eyebrows. They’d really thought that they were a couple that whole year. Suddenly they felt just a little bit bad for making fun of Phoenix all through Biology. “That’s probably for the best,” they said to cover up their surprise, “you  _ are  _ a lot to handle.”

“Hey!” Frankie was grinning. “I’m glad you’re doing well. Really glad. I know you don’t want to talk to me but… I just need to apologize to you.” Seeing that Jo was still listening, she continued, “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have belittled our relationship, and then I cheated and lied to you and to Phoenix. It’s nothing short of a miracle that he forgave me and I’m really not expecting you to, ever. I just wanted you to know that I know I screwed up big time, and if I could go back…”

Jo was shaking their head. “It’s okay.”

“What?”

“I’ll be honest with you,” Jo said as they leaned against the lockers. The school was a strange place to be having this conversation for sure. “It fucking sucked. I thought something was wrong with me, even when it was your fault, and when I wasn’t pissed out of my mind I was wondering exactly what I could have done to stop that from happening. Like, was I too clingy? Was it because of my gender? Was I too much, or just not good enough?”

“It wasn’t—”

“I know it wasn’t,” Jo laughed. “But I’m actually doing great now, and no offense, but God is it nice to have more than one friend.” Frankie cracked a smile at that but the sadness showed through. In a moment of impulse, they decided that maybe it was time to start to forgive. “Listen, though, maybe if you’re hanging out with Phoenix or Bella or whoever, you could invite me and Kelsey sometime.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

“Hey, Frankie, there you are!” Jo turned around quickly to see Phoenix, half-jogging down the hallway. He froze for half a second and then tried to cover with a very poorly delivered, “Oh shit, uh, hi Jo.”

“Hi Phoenix,” Jo said with a tight smile. It was just kind of fun to watch the poor boy squirm. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know, it’s going!” he laughed uncomfortably.

“Fantastic.” Then, to Frankie: “I’ll see you around?”

“I’ll see you around,” she replied smiling.

Jo left the building feeling lighter than they had in a year.

*

**step five**

The second week of winter break, Jo got a text from Frankie. It actually took them a second to realize who it was, because maybe they had deleted her contact from their phone at some point in the last year. It was a simple enough text: _ hey, bella and phoenix are coming over on friday for a movie night, if you and kelsey want to join us.  _ Jo wondered if she’d put it together just to invite them. They wouldn’t put it past her.

Jo sent a text to Kelsey to see what she thought, and they decided to go.

When Jo picked her up, they said, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I’ve told you yes like a million times,” Kelsey laughed. “Are  _ you  _ okay?”

They shrugged. “I don’t think most people would willingly go hang out with their ex-girlfriend and the guy that she cheated on them with. I’ll be fine, it’s just going to be weird.”

And it certainly was weird from the second Jo walked up to the door. The last time they were here, it was when they had found Frankie and Phoenix and then stormed out. They knocked on the door and Frankie opened it about half a second later.

“Hi!” she exclaimed. “Come in, the others are already here.”

Jo glanced back at Kelsey, who gave her a supportive smile, and then walked through the doorway. It felt much more momentous than it really was.

“Kelsey, right? I’m Frankie.”

“I know. We’re in English together, remember” Kelsey replied.

“Right.” The silence that followed was unbearable even for only a second.

“Where’s the golden boy?” Jo asked.

Frankie laughed. “Out at the library, actually.”

“Ah, typical Nick.”

They were all quiet again. Luckily this time, Bella appeared from around the corner. “Hurry up, Phoenix is trying to make us watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.”

“I’ll have you know that Sharkboy and Lavagirl is a sophisticated and intelligent film,” Kelsey nonchalantly supplied.

“See!” Phoenix called indignantly.

“No!” Bella said sharply as she turned around. Frankie moved to the other room with a look of disgust on her face.

“You don’t have movie choice privileges anymore, not after fucking VeggieTales!”

“You guys  _ always  _ gang up on me…”

Jo was glad that Frankie got absorbed into the argument. They looked at Kelsey who was doing her best not to laugh, and found that they were holding theirs in as well.

They ended up watching Tall Girl and making fun of every other line. Jo threw popcorn at the screen when anyone said something particuarily dumb, despite (and because of) Phoenix’s complaints. About halfway through, Frankie just turned on the Office instead, and everyone was relieved.

Jo got up to get a soda from the fridge and Bella followed her. “So,” she started, “How’d Frankie convince you to come over?”

“I... actually gave her the idea,” Jo admitted.

“Bullshit, you told me you never wanted to talk to her again, like, on multiple occasions.” Yikes, she had a point.

“I guess I just got tired of hating her?” Jo sighed and leaned against the counter. They keep their voice low, although they doubt anyone would be able to hear them in the other room anyway. “I could’ve and I would’ve been justified, but it still kind of sucked.”

“I mean, I’m very grateful,” Bella half-laughed. “It also kind of sucked being friends with both of you. Frankie would be like, oh I wonder how Jo’s doing, and then you’d be like, Jesus Christ, today Frankie had the  _ audacity  _ to  _ wave  _ at me!”

“I did not ever say that!”

“You literally did!”

“Well, I had a point!”

Bella gave them a skeptical look. “Okay, whatever.”

An episode later, Jo went to go grab some more popcorn and this time Phoenix followed them. God, they hoped this wasn’t going to be a thing. They’d already had one emotionally charged conversation with Frankie and if there was going to be another one, they needed more warning to prepare.

“Do you, like, hate me, or something?” Phoenix asked after pretending to look at the snacks for several moments.

Jo popped a piece of popcorn in their mouth and shook their head. “Sorry, buddy, but unfortunately you’re actually a decent guy. Without the dog tag, at least.”

Phoenix glanced down at the chain. “Can’t please everyone.” Jo shrugged.

“Worth a shot.”

Around 11:30, and many episodes of the Office later, Jo’s phone buzzed. “Ugh, my mom wants me home.” They were almost grateful because they were at least eighty percent sure that Frankie was going to go after them to talk if they got up to go to the bathroom.

“I thought she said midnight?” Kelsey asked from where she was curled up next to them.

“She did. But you know how she is.”

Saying goodbye to Phoenix and Bella was easy enough, but Frankie followed Jo and Kelsey up to the door. Seems like they couldn’t avoid it.

“Jo, can we talk? It’ll be only a second,” Frankie added, glancing at Kelsey.

Kelsey looked at Jo with concern and Jo nodded. “I’ll go warm up the car,” she said and kissed Jo on the cheek on her way out.

“I just wanted to thank you for coming. Giving me a chance,” Frankie said after the door closed.

“Frankie, if you want us to be friends again, you gotta stop apologizing. I told you, it’s okay. We’re moving forward.”

“Okay,” she agreed after a second, doubt finding its way into her voice.

“It was good to hang out with you again. I’ll see you next time, alright?” Jo assured her as they zipped up their jacket. “And say hey to MJ for me.”

“Sure.” Jo gave her a smile and then opened the door and left.

It was snowing outside and the cold air was invigorating to breath in. It had been quite the eventful year, and despite it all they wouldn’t change it if they had the chance.

Snowflakes fell around them and wind buffeted their coat as they made their way to the car. In the freezing air, Jo realized that the only emotion that threatened to burst from their chest was happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> i am so excited to have this fic finally up! i absolutely love jlp, and writing this was so much fun. you can pry nb!jo from my cold dead hands <3
> 
> hmu @mightymightytigers on tumblr!


End file.
